No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
