kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
