God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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