Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize