he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
