i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
