Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
