so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
