when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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