Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
