Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
