yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
