i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
