if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
