I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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