physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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