i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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