They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm at about main and main street
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
