margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
