You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
