I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
