im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
