There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
