Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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