How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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