I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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