I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
