So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
