i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
