i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
