Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
