That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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