She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
