I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
