Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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