ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
