there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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