I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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