her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize