and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
