I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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