you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
