What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
