Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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