She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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