Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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