T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
