I am puke
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
being pregnant is like rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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