Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
only you would photoshop your dick
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
