WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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