i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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