Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
