you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
