going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
