R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
