we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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