how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
