So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
