i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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