dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
