she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
