When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
