I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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