Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
