My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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