Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
