On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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