I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
