I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
