where am i from again
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
