THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
