U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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