'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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